I traveled with a friend to Santa Fe for a couple of days to explore and enjoy this beautiful city. Santa Fe is one of my favorite places to visit and is only about 4 hours from my home in Salida. We had a great time walking around the plaza square, shopping, eating out, and enjoying the cute Airbnb where we stayed.
One of our explorations lead us to the Georgia O’Keefe museum, which surprisingly I had not visited before. I thoroughly enjoyed seeing so much of her art in one place and discovering new and fascinating facts about her and her life. As we were leaving, I popped into the gift shop and found a little keepsake that was perfect for the way I have been feeling. It’s a silver metal ornament with words stamped into it that says “To create one’s own world takes courage”.
The moment I read those words they resonated deeply in my soul. I have spent years not displaying courage. I had courage in my professional life; I had to since I was the director for various surgical services departments for many years. That takes courage, and being a little crazy too in my opinion!
However, in my personal life I would rarely display courage, and when I did it was usually not in the best way. I was really good at running away to keep from confronting my feelings, often at the expense of not only my feelings, but others feelings also.
I was good at ignoring what I felt inside. Honestly, generally not even knowing what I felt because I locked “it” away.
In 2020 we, collectively we, were all dealing with the covid pandemic. Life was no longer as it had been and the next couple of years were spent finding courage and how to live in our new normal.
I have been finding my new normal because of another incident that occurred in 2020 that rocked my soul to the core. It is something I choose not to discuss in this blog, but know that it was something I never imagined would occur.
That event changed me and I began to find the courage to confront my feelings and to stand up for myself.
I had long ago begun my spiritual journey, my healing journey. However, since 2020 I have since spent the time diving deep into my core wounds, finding and owning my values, setting my boundaries, finding my core, my true Self.
It has been a journey back to Self.
Those words I saw in the museum that day “to create one’s own world takes courage” reminded me that I have been creating my world anew. It hasn’t been without pain and obstacles, but I have begun to meet each obstacle head-on and turning the pain into learning and healing.
I have been successful at saying no to things I should have said no to a long time ago. And I’m saying yes to other things I previously had fear of inviting in and embracing.
I have discovered when I find the courage to stand up for myself others now view me as an insensitive, non-caring, selfish person. They liked me a lot more when I didn’t have or enforced my boundaries.
No worries, I like me. I am proud of me. In fact, because of that event, as painful as it was, it has led me to deep healing in order to finally say I LOVE me.
It hasn’t been easy but I have found the courage to confront, to unravel, and to stop finding excuses. I have so much more work to do, discoveries to make, and healing to rejoice in.
I have found the courage to continue this sacred journey to healing.
“To create one’s own world takes courage” Georgia O’Keefe
Have you found your courage?
If any of this small part of my story, my Journey Back to Self, resonates with you, come along as I share more of my journey into healing.